I’ve never before done a post about my biggest fear and problem: My Social Anxiety Disorder.
I can’t remember when it really started and kicked in but Social Anxiety used to really kick me in, do a number on me and diminish opportunities for myself and it’s only been the last year and a half that it went. It hasn’t disappeared for good, you can’t predict things to happen in such a way that they’ll never come back, but from a year and a half ago, I have definitely changed and become a more happy lady.
I used to be ridden with anxiety, basically.
Never would I be able to come back home feeling like I’d had a perfect day. There was always this feeling of unwellness. I’d come back home feeling drained, thinking that it was food I needed.
I’d come back home shaky, my hands would not stand still, I’d feel jittery, I’d have a serious lack of energy, I’d be raiding the fridge, looking for something top ‘spike my blood sugar levels’. I’d come back with headaches or I’d ache or feel light-headed.
At first I went to the Dr, thinking I had Hypoglycaemia, that I had bad sugar levels and needed it sorting out, as it was getting worse.
- I remember having the feeling of having my ‘sugar levels dip’ in every single Dance class at school. I used to shake, have no energy, have to sit aside and watch my classmates thrive and enjoy themselves.
- My parents used to take us to Taekwondo classes, it was amazing, I miss it. I loved it.
But there were numerous times where I’d have to sit out, as my energy levels decreased. I’d be a nervous, shaking wreck again.
- Going to University, the second time around, whilst I was commuting… On the way there, by the time I arrived to my Seminars and Lectures, I’d arrive in a state, my friends would notice this. Coming back home I’d feel drained.
I used to feel like the odd one out.
There were so many times that I don’t remember well, also, where this would happen.
So long story short, I received my results from the Dr after them having perform a fasting blood test on me, and it came back saying that I hadn’t got any blood sugar issues at all, that I’m healthy. So my Dr spoke to me and asked me an array of questions.
Turns out I have Social Anxiety Disorder.
I won’t go into detail, I’ll jump to the fact that now I am much, much better. I seem to be a whole different person to who I was.
I had all of those different problems, thinking I had Hypoglycaemia, when in fact it was just a Social Anxiety issue. Yes, I knew I wasn’t confident, I was very shy, I couldn’t eat in front of people, I couldn’t do Class presentations, I didn’t really participate in physical activity such as Sport etc, I missed out on opportunities like when I wanted to join the School’s yearly performance/musical, I couldn’t ask questions in front of my classmates, I missed out on so much… But I thought I was just extremely shy.
Now I can make sense of it and really evaluate it.
I follow this YouTuber/Model named Scarlet – aka: Scarlet Saint – scarletsaintblog.blogspot.co.uk
How I came across her existence… I watched a Documentary around a year ago on Mental Disorders, it’s called Diaries of a Broken Mind (BBC3). She was one of the people speaking in the documentary. So from then on I followed her on YouTube, watching her videos, listening to her story. She’s now seeming to be a lot better from how she came across on the documentary! Congratulations to her!
One of her YouTube videos that I watched earlier this morning explains partly about Social Anxiety Disorder and a few of it’s many problems. You can watch it here:
I know a handful of people, personally that have had issues with Social Anxiety in the past or currently and I think it’s useful and actually important to have a community of people you can talk to about it or even get the word out like I am doing hear, to almost educate people on the issue. Not all people know about it, some will believe it to be something that is uncomfortable to discuss, or they don’t know how to discuss it. (I’ll most likely make a post about Social Anxiety and self-help in the near future, if anybody is interested?)
I think that the most important thing for me to finish with here is to say that, I have developed positively now, I’m a more confident person that I was before! I’m happy.
Before I didn’t have properly developed relationships with most people, be it friends, love-interests, teachers, colleagues, even family sometimes. I couldn’t do most things with absolute ease. I missed so much.
Now since a year and a half ago, I decided to leave University and pursue something completely different, I have had a volunteer job at a lovely Coffee Shop since, had three different jobs, formed new friendships, started new hobbies, been to different places, gotten into a serious, loving relationship with my now boyfriend of eight month, I can now speak openly, speak more confidently, truly laugh and enjoy myself, not suffer from panic attacks, be comfortable in front of others, not think too much about what I’m about to say, make on-the-spot decisions, eat in front of people (silly, yes I know…) basically…. completely and utterly BE MYSELF, not holding back.
If anybody wants to have their input, feel free to comment and share your opinions, worries or just to talk!
Enjoy your day/evening.