It’s all go from here.

I have been SO, so busy.

With starting college two weeks ago, being at work and starting my salon placement at Toni & Guy, then fitting in time to do research, spending time with my family and Luke, I’ve not had much time for actual relaxing time.
Yes there’s been a lot of getting-home-and-crashing as I’m not used to this busy lifestyle.

I wouldn’t change it for anything yet though, I’m happy with how everything is going.

I’m going to try and write on here more often as I was before, but I can’t promise anything! I’m sure what I’ve said above confirms my absence on here, aha.

Though it doesn’t explain the reason for not being on here since July… Well I’ve been spending as much time with Luke as I can and my family, getting things ready to start my course, like getting my kit together, sorting finances out. Also, working a lot and then getting some reading and TV series watched before I can barely do anything like read my favourites and watch all of the awesome series. The Sims 4 has just been released too, around three weeks ago. I’ve been overdosing on that! Damn you Maxis/EA.

Sept

Social Anxiety Sucks

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I’ve never before done a post about my biggest fear and problem: My Social Anxiety Disorder.

I can’t remember when it really started and kicked in but Social Anxiety used to really kick me in, do a number on me and diminish opportunities for myself and it’s only been the last year and a half that it went. It hasn’t disappeared¬†for good, you can’t predict things to happen in such a way that they’ll never come back, but from a year and a half ago, I have definitely changed and become a more happy lady.

I used to be ridden with anxiety, basically.

Never would I be able to come back home feeling like I’d had a perfect day. There was always this feeling of¬†unwellness. I’d come back home feeling drained, thinking that it was food I needed.
I’d come back home shaky, my hands would not stand still, I’d feel jittery, I’d have a serious lack of energy, I’d be raiding the fridge, looking for something top ‘spike my blood sugar levels’. I’d come back with headaches or I’d ache or feel light-headed.
At first I went to the Dr, thinking I had Hypoglycaemia, that I had bad sugar levels and needed it sorting out, as it was getting worse.

  • I remember having the feeling of having my ‘sugar levels dip’ in every single Dance class at school. I used to shake, have no energy, have to sit aside and watch my classmates thrive and enjoy themselves.
  • My parents used to take us to Taekwondo classes, it was amazing, I miss it. I loved it.
    But there were numerous times where I’d have to sit out, as my energy levels decreased. I’d be a nervous, shaking wreck again.
  • Going to University, the second time around, whilst I was commuting… On the way there, by the time I arrived to my Seminars and Lectures, I’d arrive in a state, my friends would notice this. Coming back home I’d feel drained.

I used to feel like the odd one out.
There were so many times that I don’t remember well, also, where this would happen.

So long story short, I received my results from the Dr after them having perform a fasting blood test on me, and it came back saying that I hadn’t got any blood sugar issues at all, that I’m healthy. So my Dr spoke to me and asked me an array of questions.

Turns out I have Social Anxiety Disorder.
I won’t go into detail, I’ll jump to the fact that now I am much,¬†much¬†better. I seem to be a whole different person to who I was.

I had all of those different problems, thinking I had Hypoglycaemia, when in fact it was just a Social Anxiety issue. Yes, I knew I wasn’t confident, I was very shy, I couldn’t eat in front of people, I couldn’t do Class presentations, I didn’t really participate in physical activity such as Sport etc, I missed out on opportunities like when I wanted to join the School’s yearly performance/musical, I couldn’t ask questions in front of my classmates, I missed out on¬†so much… But I thought I was just extremely shy.

Now I can make sense of it and really evaluate it.

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I follow this YouTuber/Model named Scarlet – aka: Scarlet Saint –¬†scarletsaintblog.blogspot.co.uk
How I came across her existence… I watched a Documentary around a year ago on Mental Disorders, it’s called¬†Diaries of a Broken Mind (BBC3). She was one of the people speaking in the documentary. So from then on I followed her on YouTube, watching her videos, listening to her story. She’s now seeming to be a lot better from how she came across on the documentary! Congratulations to her!

One of her YouTube videos that I watched earlier this morning explains partly about Social Anxiety Disorder and a few of it’s many problems. You can watch it here:

I know a handful of people, personally that have had issues with Social Anxiety in the past or currently and I think it’s useful and actually important to have a community of people you can talk to about it or even get the word out like I am doing hear, to almost educate people on the issue. Not all people know about it, some will believe it to be something that is uncomfortable to discuss, or they don’t know how to discuss it. (I’ll most likely make a post about Social Anxiety and self-help in the near future, if anybody is interested?)

I think that the most important thing for me to finish with here is to say that, I have developed positively now, I’m a more confident person that I was before! I’m happy.¬†

Before I didn’t have properly developed relationships with most people, be it friends, love-interests, teachers, colleagues, even family sometimes. I couldn’t do most things with absolute ease. I missed so much.

Now since a year and a half ago, I decided to leave University and pursue something completely different, I have had a volunteer job at a lovely Coffee Shop since, had three different jobs, formed new friendships, started new hobbies, been to different places, gotten into a serious, loving relationship with my now boyfriend of eight month, I can now speak openly, speak more confidently, truly laugh and enjoy myself, not suffer from panic attacks, be comfortable in front of others, not think too much about what I’m about to say, make on-the-spot decisions, eat in front of people (silly, yes I know…) basically…. completely and utterly BE MYSELF, not holding back.

If anybody wants to have their input, feel free to comment and share your opinions, worries or just to talk! 

Enjoy your day/evening.

Sarah Manning Art

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The #2 of the five portraits. Any tips are welcome and appreciated! 

Also… I made a fantastic breakfast and I want to share it, as it’s too tasty not to share.¬†
Here’s the recipe I used to make the mashed avocado and chickpea :
www.twopeasandtheirpod.com

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Sarah Manning and her many faces

Cosima edits

 

My development stages of Cosima for all of you Orphan Black fans.
I’m trying to get more into digital illustration and develop my skills, Really sodding enjoying it! 

Any tips welcome.

You can view my other drawings on my Facebook page or my deviantArt page

 

 

London in sight

The previous weekend myself, my boyfriend and our friend/his (recently old) house-mate went to London together for the whole weekend to have some Southern fun. We went originally to attend the British Summertime Festival July 4th gig that presented Faith No More, Black Sabbath, Soundgarden, Motorhead, Soulfly and many more acts.
It wasn’t just the gig we went to though… We had the opportunity to visit the National History Museum, The Science Museum, then to the Victoria and Albert Museum, all in the South Kensington area, before having a last beer before the long coach back home.
We went to a few pubs, namely The Ice Wharf in Camden Town, which happened to be one of the best Wetherspoon pubs I’ve gone to in the UK. It was well presented, the waterfront was so impressive and it was just a beautiful day in terms of weather. By passers on the waterfront going by on gondolas, a girl passing by with her pet ferret, just an overall pleasant Wetherspoon pub.

I’d say these were the highlights of the stay:

  • Going to the museums
  • Walking through Hyde Park
  • The Rock bar in Camden Town, The Worlds End pub and it’s greatness
  • Camden Town, of course
  • Staying at the Meininger Hotel
  • Faith No More’s presence
  • The cheap breakfast sandwich shop
  • Experiencing the tube travel system
  • The whole range of fashion/people
  • Hearing the variation of accents
  • The dinosaur exhibition experience
  • Walking around London
  • Jezz getting stuck for a few minutes at the underground
  • The easiness of navigating around London

Overall I just had this belief that London is where I want to be, it just comes across as completely different when talking about atmosphere and experience. It’s definitely the place I want to be living, in five years time. Both myself and my Boyfriend have agreed, we will definitely be living here.
I’ll be working (hopefully) in a top Salon or whatever I’ll want to do then and he’ll be doing what he wants to do at the time. ¬†We can imagine ourselves¬†there, happily. It’s much better than living where we both live currently. Easier to navigate, more to do, places to go, foods to try out, more environmentally friendly, picturesque, cultural.
The East Midlands doesn’t have anything compared to London!
That is the ugly truth. 

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Listening to: Weezer // Island In The Sun

A Moody-Money Month

This upcoming month is going to suck so hard for me.

I’ve just received my much needed payslip from work for what I’ll be getting paid, it’s very low. I had a feeling it’d be lower than usual but not this low.

I’m visiting London in six days and I’m going to be scraped for money, having to be careful. Spending on myself, in terms of buying myself coffees out, adding to my wardrobe and lipstick collection, going out to the cinema, going out with friends or going out for dinner with the boyfriend… These luxuries are going to have to be kept on hold up until the end of July, now.
For me, this sucks hella’ bad.

I’m also saving for College, so that’s more money taken from my pay added to my savings.

Money to get to work….¬†Travel cost for London and to feed myself when over there, as well as the Music Festival we’re attending.

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Anybody else in the same boat as myself?

Personal Posting time

Working a fair amount has been what I’ve been doing since this Wednesday just gone and the Wednesday coming, but it’s the money that I’m saving up in my pocket that is the main focus. Seven days on the trot isn’t so bad. I’ve never actually worked seven days in a row, too. My very first time.

Well I’ve not had much time for many things, all I’ve been doing really is getting up, going to work, travelling back, not wanting to speak to anyone, to not socialise and to just pop on Netflix and relax. –¬†It’s exciting because I finally decided to jump on the Orphan Black bandwagon! I’m addicted and now in just three days I’m on Season Two, Episode Five.
If anyone is a fan, I hope you’re rooting for Cosima (The Lab Geek) she’s definitely my favourite and of course… Alison (The Dainty Alcoholic).
If you’re even thinking slightly of watching the series, then I’d say… DO IT.
The reasons why you should…
1) Clones
2) Dark comedy
3) Tatiana, the greatest actress
4) Helena the Ukrainian
5) The many plot twists

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So… Other than fangirling over and binging Orphan Black, I’ve just been working, sleeping and keeping myself alive.

Tomorrow, I’m going to watch my Mum sing and practice at her Choir practice. I’ve not been before and it’ll be lovely to see her in her moment! It’s a rock choir group. Super excited.

I cannot wait for Wednesday after I’ve finished work for the week, I’ll be going to see the boyfriend for the last few days in his University situated city¬†at their house, forever. Memories have been created with and without me at that house. I’ve experienced moments in that house since November 2013, last year. Every moment has been amazing and significant.
From then on, he’ll be moving back to his home-town and we’ll be visiting each other over there and over at mine and definitely in-between the two locations, also. It’ll be slightly difficult at first, but we’ll keep it going as we have.

SO, bring on Wednesday.
Listening to: The Civil Wars // Dance Me to the End of Love